Weight Watchers and Health Update

Hello everyone!

I wanted to give you all an update on how weight watchers is going and some other health news. I am officially down 12 pounds!! It feels so nice to continue seeing the scale go down and just feeling better about myself. While eating better has been hard, especially since I moved to an apartment June 1st and trying to cook while unpacking is so difficult when you are down the street from fast food! There are days, or sometimes a stretch of days, where eating is more of a battle. For example, we had a coffee truck today at my work and I got an iced mocha and it was so good! Also a resident brought in chocolate for us and it's just sitting there behind me... 

Anyways, I have another health update that has been a long time coming. The 2 years I was off at college I gained over 60 pounds. I knew something wasn't right, I just didn't know what. I was so tired I could take a 4 hour nap and sleep all night and still be exhausted. People would tell me I was just sleeping too much so I would stay up late and watch Netflix or try not to nap and be just as exhausted, if not more so. It got to the point where I was falling asleep in classes. I couldn't do any clubs or activities since I was already having a hard enough time just trying to stay up for classes. I constantly slept through meals and had little to no appetite. I struggled with pain on top of this, not extreme pain but enough that it bothered me. Anywhere on my upper body that I pressed on felt like I had a bruise. So much so that I was convinced on my 19th birthday when I pressed on my back that I had another kidney infection I went to urgent care (happy birthday to me). 

Exhaustion ruled my life and I was tired of it. At the end of my first year of college I started being tested for hormone issues. I thought I had cushing's disease, something that made you gain weight from too much cortisone. After months of tests nothing came of it, and the doctor told me to repeat the expensive tests in 6 months if I still had the same symptoms. I came home for the summer feeling defeated. I had tried to get an ESA but Central told me that the dog would not be allowed in classes, where I needed the support. I was lonely, tired, and just plain miserable. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or if I would even be able to do anything. Sure I was a good student, but what if that was all I was good at? Studying for tests and writing essays, that was what I knew I was good at. 

Starting my last year of college I continued to gain weight and sleep all day. I ended up dropping out of a class my last quarter because I simply lacked the energy it required to do the leadership class, something I have enjoyed and participated in since elementary school in student government. I thought that since I didn't have a job that was why I was so tired, not having a purpose and just sleeping because it was something to do. However, after graduating and starting my job leasing apartments, my energy has continued to decline. I have continued to get tested for all sorts of things, most recently hemochromatosis (too much iron) and thyroid issues again. As of yesterday, I think I finally have an answer, though it was not the answer I was hoping for. After seeing a naturopath starting a few months ago, a doctor who finally took me seriously, I am starting treatment for fibromyalgia, a chronic pain disorder that causes exhaustion and pain. 

I wanted to share my story because it took years for me to get some sort of diagnosis, lots of anxiety and for a doctor to take me seriously and not just run tests and then give up on me. I have struggled, and will likely continue to struggle with energy and mild pain that has limited my life and am so happy I was persistent and didn't take no for an answer. I am hoping that my energy improves in the next few months and I am able to stay longer at the dog park on Sundays and just enjoy life more. 

~MG

Having Faith in the Dark

  Many of you know me, know I love dogs, know I love Xbox gaming, etc. But maybe something you didn't know is that I am a Christian, though I try and make it kind of hard to miss. I am a devoted follower of Christ and will be for the remainder of my life. However my struggle with God has been a long one, one that I know will continue for the rest of my life.

  It started when I was very young, first grade or so. I didn't really go to church much but friends brought me sometimes, so I at least knew a little about God and the Bible. My grandmother was suffering from terminal breast cancer, something I didn't quite fully understand at the time. I can still remember this little glass stone we had with an angel inside of it we used to rub when we prayed for her. In the end though, she lost her battle. I remember the wake, basically it's just a service with an open casket where people tell stories. I was too young to fully understand it at the time, I spent most of it playing barbies to be honest with you. If I close my eyes I'm back in that room, that room that I knew had a door leading to my grandmother's casket. I didn't understand death, I decided not to see her. The next day we went to the funeral, I remembered the smoke they used smelled bad and that I got to shake the pastor's hand. I can still remember not being able to wait to get out of the lunch afterwords because my parents were taking my brother and I to the toy store. It was only years later that her death finally registered. I can remember when I was probably 9-10 years old seeing a cancer treatment center ad on TV and crying. I remember being angry that she couldn't have gone there and been saved, couldn't have lived to see me again. That was one of my first doubts of God. 

  Fast forward a few years and the Rescission hits.  It was probably about 5th grade the first time I realized I couldn't do what the other kids could because we didn't have the money. We couldn't travel, we couldn't buy the newest gaming system or toy. I can still go right back into those moments when I was so angry that everyone else got to go away for spring break or have their mom home to greet them when they came back from school. And just when things finally started to look up we were sent right back down the same path. I was in 8th grade and went to church at least twice a month. I struggled with why God would let me suffer this way. My grades started to suffer for the first time in my life, everything seemed to be falling apart. 

  Finally by the start of my 9th grade year things started to look up. My parents both worked full-time, my brother and I were both in perfect health, everything was great. And then came one of the two periods of my life I will never forget. It was Christmas, everything was amazing. And then my mom got sick. She went into the doctor and when I came home exhausted from my first day of high school finals I got the worst news in my life. My mom had cancer. At that point I was ready to give up, give up on God, give up on myself, just give up. My mom had surgery and the results came back. She would have to go through radiation and chemo but she would live. She would live. I don't know if I've ever heard better words. My family grew closer during those months of chemo. We unified and we struggled and we fought, but in the end we emerged victorious. 

  Now for a quick recap of the post My Story I posted a few months ago. I was in math class back in November and I started to feel very strange. Little did I know this was only the beginning. After a few more weeks of on and off 'episodes' I found out I was having anxiety/panic attacks. It became hard for me to leave the house, it was even hard for me in the house. I was constantly at war with myself and the only place I found joy was in my sleep. I was, again, ready to give up. Where was God and why would he do this to me? Why would he allow me to go through this, what had I done to deserve this?

  I finally reached a conclusion that I still struggle with. If bad things didn't happen everyone would have the same story and that would be boring. If I hadn't gone through the struggles I had I wouldn't be the person I am today. If Ellen DeGeneres hadn't had the life she had and ended with her not only coming out on TV but playing a gay character, the world might not be the same as it is today. Our stories are what help us to change the world, and God knows that. It's just a matter of trusting God that what he has planned for you isn't the end, but instead just the beginning...